Blessings for the Broken Hearted
Let us agree
for now
that we will not say
the breaking
makes us stronger
or that it is better
to have this pain
than to have done
without this love.
Let us promise
we will not
tell ourselves
time will heal
the wound,
when every day
our waking
opens it anew.
Perhaps for now
it can be enough
to simply marvel
at the mystery
of how a heart
so broken
can go on beating,
as if it were made
for precisely this—
as if it knows
the only cure for love
is more of it,
as if it sees
the heart’s sole remedy
for breaking
is to love still,
as if it trusts
that its own
persistent pulse
is the rhythm
of a blessing
we cannot
begin to fathom
but will save us
nonetheless.
We are all simply Stars wrapped in a soul and a physical body. Chelsea’s constellation needed every single star to show how incredibly bright she was. When we leave here, our soul goes to Jesus, but our beautiful light will continue to shine on; In the hearts of our loved ones forever. From the day you were born. you shared your beautiful, ordinary magic with me.
From the day you were born your big beautiful eyes shone with so much wonderment and curiosity. You were so smart. So intelligent. It was Scary how smart you were at times.
You never met a stranger. Gosh. Even as a little baby you would strike up a conversation with anyone. It scared me. I was worried so often. I could never possess the level of blind trust you knew.
One Day this wonderment just disappeared. Your light dimmed so low. You became a broken and splintered and depressed soul. I tried to get you help. I tried… We fought so hard to get you help.
Then you found a way to check out of the system; You started Self medicating. We fought this battle with you too. I could see that daily you fought so hard to want to stay on this earth. I couldn’t fix you. You couldn’t fix you.
Your family cried, we pleaded, we held you tight, we got you help, we got you help so many times, we set boundaries. It seemed that nothing changed and nothing else mattered. You could not stop, you were lost to addiction. It had won.
Your addiction always won. You would fight so hard every day. You would fail so hard many times too. I found this evidence going through your room. However, addiction takes control over everything else that really matters. You didn’t want to be an addict. You only wanted to remove your pain.
In the end I could not save you. Anytime you would have a good day, you would go out and use
Even though you lost friends, and lost the faith of some family members, You still had tremendous faith. You really kept this side from me. You showed me in so many ways that you thought your faith would save you. You wrote a poem: How do the Lost become found. You wrote prayers in various locations, You wrote yourself messages of encouragement. You reminded yourself daily to create love and kindness. You said daily affirmations. “How have you created love today,” is written on her mirror. You thought you were so invincible. For a time, you were right, until you weren’t. You lost. I lost. We all lost. Our dreams shattered.
I have lost one of the most precious things to me. I will ache for your, soul, your lost opportunities and your lost moments of a lifetime where you no longer wear your cloak of skin. You were my best friend. You were who I told my feelings to. You were my confidant, You were always so loving. You showed me how to love unconditionally. You showed me why I needed to help mold your life and help make it Beautiful, loving, and protected. You made flowers grow on my heart and soul. You made me a mom. You made me want to protect you from your thorns.
Your tremmdous beauty was none to be compared to. You were also so strong when you wanted to be, when your monsters were at bay. But, you never believed you were as beautiful outside as well as within. You never believed or trusted yourself. I could not give that to you.
I hurt so much when you got sick. I had never heard of Alpha One Antrypsin defiency. Neither had you. Even some doctors you saw along the way didn’t know what Alpha One was either. I felt as helpless as you felt . Many times I didnt know how to help you. I couldnt ease your pain. Doctors and hospitals. They couldn’t ease your pain either. This became your daily life. You struggled to just to breathe to walk down the hall or just get out of bed some days. You struggled to even take care of yourself. In the end, I think you may have even welcomed death to escape your pain and suffering. You were so scared you would die suffocating, unable to breathe. I am so glad that you just simply slipped off into sleep. Instead, You did not spend your last moments struggling and unable to breathe.
.
I will cherish every memory I have of you. The good the bad, and everything we had. It just means we lived and we loved, and we lost.
I love you Chelsea Alleana Chapman. I will say your name to keep you present in my daily life. I will carry you forever in my heart. I know I will see you again. One day I will get to embrace you again. One day I will be whole again. I will live my life waiting for that glorious day.
Jennirey 